The Coach Approach with Diane Ravenscroft

You're listening to the coach approach
with Diane Ravenscroft, whether

you're an entrepreneur, an ambitious
employee or someone interested

in getting the most out of every
connection, responsive communication is.

Join management and
learning specialist, Dr.

Diane Ravenscroft, as she gives
you the tools to improve any

relationship that matters to your
business, your career and your life.

All right.

Here's Diane.

Welcome back to the
coach approach podcast.

I am Diane Ravenscroft.

If you joined me before you learned about
the steps, challenges, and traits of

the coach approach, you've heard stories
of real people sharing real challenges.

They overcame.

I like to think the coach approach had
something to do with their success today.

I confess part of my reason for
developing the coach approach was for

myself in the past, I struggled with
a scarcity mindset so I can recognize

scarcity mindsets quite easily.

And I can hear naysayers whether
they're aware or not of their

tendency to think about what to avoid.

To see problems first and not
always consider opportunities.

The reason for this is I often
default to being a naysayer, and I

know what this mindset has cost me.

It's been a long time coming, but I
am grateful for my decision to shift

the gears and fears in my brain.

The coach approach was also developed
after a series of observations

and interactions with many people.

Over many years, people who in
their words were trying to reform

to see the best in everyone.

Maybe it's too harsh to describe
myself and others as a naysayer though.

The first thing many people's brain
wants to do when presented with

what's possible is analyze and
strategize until just about every

possibility for failure is eliminated.

This is really important
in many professions.

The challenge is it can be a way
of thinking that deters people

from considering possibilities.

Individuals who see problems that they
can solve to protect people from harm.

Find it easy to perform business
analyses and swats, you know, the

strengths, weaknesses, observation,
and threats, and figure out how

to leverage strengths, minimize
weaknesses, optimize opportunities,

and ideally anticipate threats.

Strategic planning is loved
by people with my brain.

In the past.

Speaking what I think without
thinking led me to some challenging

conversations, especially with
dreamers and I am not alone.

I wonder if you've noticed what
I've noticed and that's that problem

solvers can be misperceived as
problems and troubleshoots can be

misperceived as troublemakers to
individuals who like the status quo.

And can be misperceived by people who
are insecure and worse, possibly feel

threatened by these important skills,
the skills of troubleshooting and problem

solving these skills are really crucial.

And if you know how to apply critical
thinking as well to difficult

challenges, you are special.

You're what I call an idea person.

Imagine.

Being an idea person who works for someone
who likes everything, just the way it is.

Countless people have told me that
individuals on their team who brainstorm

potential threats in a strategic
way, sound really pessimistic.

One person said quote, and remember,
people give me their permission

to write their words down.

Quote, they are always seeing
the next problem as they look

for what might go wrong end.

In my mind, I think as if that's a
bad thing, listen, again, they're

always seeing the next problem as
they look for what might go wrong.

I wanna say exactly this person has saved
your neck more than a few times, but

instead I say in a measured way, true.

And I think this is exactly why
they're valuable to your team.

Do you not think.

It takes some doing, but it's always
worth trying to get to the root of

whatever challenges exist between people.

In this case, a decision was made
to bring these two individuals

together, to hash out a vulnerability
commitment, a trademark of the coach

approach, seeking mutual understanding.

Unfortunately, there was very little
trust and it was not possible.

The idea person remained
unappreciated by the individual

who was described as a naysayer.

And they continued to avoid each other
as much as possible in the workplace.

It appeared their customers
were not impacted by their

poor working relationship.

So the CEO didn't intervene to encourage
or force if you will, any kind of

improvement in their professional dynamic.

I'm never quite sure if a customer
can be UN impacted by poor working

relationships between key people.

I'm also never in favor of chief
executive officers or other senior leaders

forcing professional interventions.

So to speak, these
things tend to backfire.

Sometimes I don't know about it until
the individual who comes to me for

coaching says I was sent to you,
by the way, how does that sound?

I was sent to you by the way.

This doesn't always yield receptivity.

It tends to yield resistance, but
common sense approaches like the coach

approach can slowly but surely chip
away at even the most committed skeptic.

As for the pair of people who didn't like
to work together, they were a member of a

team and everyone else on the team seemed
to accept their quiet rivalry and frankly

ignored their often unprofessional antics.

Most of the time, the pair was
rarely disruptive in meetings,

but they weren't productive.

Eventually the idea person managed
several workarounds to have her ideas

considered, just not in team meetings.

How many working situations do you
know where people just don't think

it's worth it to try to fix or
improve interpersonal challenges?

I see it all the time.

Seeing interpersonal challenges
among coworkers was actually one

of the reasons I decided to become
a licensed practitioner with the

global company discovery insights.

It was a significant investment
of time and money, but it's proved

invaluable discovery insights creates
a frame of reference using colors.

So certain thinkers who just don't
understand the people they work for or.

Can consider their individual
preferences and learn how best to

relate to people who don't think like
them, discovery, insights, preference,

model compliments, the coach approach.

If you're curious, you
can go to insights.com.

I will dedicate several podcasts to some
examples of how people using this color

model can phrase statements to appeal
to individuals who don't think alike.

I love the association with color.

To me, it gives me a thinking preference
for people you're not labeled.

You're not pigeonholed.

It's a preference.

You can dial up and dial down
preferences based on situations.

I love it.

Check it out.

If I had known my preference towards
communication and risk and collaboration,

for example, I may have had quite a
different work life in my early years.

In fact decades ago, I met someone
who no small thing may have

changed the course of my work life.

Maybe even my life.

I'm not exaggerating today.

I describe this as my 6 million regret.

This podcast will serve as an introduction
to my most expensive decision based

on my former scarcity mindset.

This scarcity mindset bound my
thinking into overly cautious.

Highly suspicious and skeptical, nay
saying quite often, this is a true story.

It still makes me feel somewhat nauseous.

Thinking about what can only be
described after the fact, maybe

as directly as stupidity, possibly
as kindly as shortsightedness.

You decide what word to assign for me,
it's regret, but regret I've learned.

Here's what happened in the
early nineties, I was on a plane.

I was heading to Boston on my
way to Dallas, the young woman,

I was sitting next to struck up
a conversation with me and asked

me why I was traveling to Boston.

And so in turn out of just basic
politeness, really, I asked her, she

told me how excited she was about working
for a growing technology company and

certainly had infectious enthusiasm.

But I was not drawn in.

No.

I had enough skepticism and reservations
to ward off the most engaging and

polite person, especially a salesperson.

Snake oils seemed to run through
most sales people's veins.

I had concluded.

So though I was curious deep down.

I just knew that what was being pitched
could only be too good to be true.

Not for me, but thanks for sharing.

I thought we did chat a lot
during the flight and she was

very pleasant as we landed.

She gave me her card and I
looked at it and read her name.

And then the name Microsoft.

I remember this clearly and somewhere in
some box in some corner of my basement,

I am sure I could unearth this card.

The young, enthusiastic Microsoft
employee asked me about my career

goals and said they were looking to
recruit young entrepreneurial thinkers.

I had discussed my love of business
and I was on my way to a conference.

So she must have heard something
that sparked her interest.

Unfortunately, I remained
wary of her enthusiasm.

Didn't really understand the business
after all at the time, what was a PC,

a word document, the internet , I'm
laughing, but I'm really not laughing.

As we disembark to go our separate ways.

She encouraged me to call.

I never did.

I often wonder where she is now.

I don't have to wonder if this is
the most expensive flight I have ever

taken, because I know it is my most
colossal missed opportunity, whatever

you might think of bill gates and
Microsoft investing early in a company

worth billions today is truly the
definition of a missed opportunity.

So why did I shrug off her enthusiasm?

So effortless.

Why did and do so many leaders, I meet
shrug off enthusiasm so effortlessly.

I can't speak for them at the time.

Yes.

I was young.

I wasn't even 30.

I had tons of energy and lots of interest
in business, but deep down, I just didn't

believe what I believe and teach today.

That vision and effort applied to a solid
business idea can produce amazing results.

That's what I believe.

That's what I teach, especially if
you surround yourself with people

who balance what they want to achieve
with what ought to be avoided.

So I have learned to successfully balance
what I wanna achieve or accomplish with

what is best avoided or delayed it's.

It's like I have this small
mental scale in my mind.

I teach leaders how to
communicate to advance.

Excellence with care using a mental scale.

In fact, here I go again with my acronyms
scale, S C a L E successful communication

advances, leadership excellence.

It takes practice, and it's amazing
to watch people change in how

they express reservations so that
their teams stay energized while

knowing their leader believes in.

As an aside, as I was preparing for
this podcast, I Googled an estimate

of how much money I might have today.

So full disclosure, I never
invested in Microsoft.

So if I had invested even a few thousand
dollars at Microsoft in the early

nineties, not including my salary, if
I had been hired it's about $6 million.

That's why I call this
my 6 million mistake.

And that doesn't include the
compound interest over 25 years,

but that just is not something
I want to think about either.

So that's enough reality, but this speaks
to choices, decisions, sound judgment, and

just giving someone a chance to present
their ideas, to consider potential steps.

I didn't even know what
due diligence was back.

In this, my third podcast, I shared this
true story just in case anyone out there

is a leader and super cautious, perhaps
you're even risk averse because if you

lead people and they hear you share too
many unfounded hesitations and worries out

loud, if they're not part of your closed
circle, if you will, of people that you

share hesitations with even unfounded.

You may discourage the very
people who need to be energized

to get the tough work done.

The key is unfounded, hesitations
or unfounded, anxiety or suspicion.

I know.

How do we know what's
unfounded or, or founded?

I mean, how could I ever have known
Microsoft became a Microsoft well

experience, maybe even evidence from
patterns, but sometimes we can't know.

We trust ourselves.

We learn from mistakes and success.

Back to my colossal mistake.

I wonder are times why I didn't listen
to that inner curiosity that spurred

while my willingness to consider
risk was drowned out by doubt today,

I think give it a chance and truly
appreciate the value of due diligence.

I love asking effective questions.

Of course, there'll be a
future podcast on these topics.

So as a review picture, a person
who, instead of finding the balance

between what to achieve and avoid
only focuses on telling people

what has never worked before.

If we can balance what has never worked
before with looking at what we might

wanna achieve, we do not limit people's
thinking, finding the balance between

what to achieve and avoid sounds
open to new ideas and innovation.

It kind of amazes me that even after
positive psychology, appreciative inquiry,

mindfulness, emotional intelligence,
and so many incredible resources for

self-improvement that people who lead
others can become so bogged down in

details and issues and problems and
challenges as well as valid concerns

that they begin to sound pessimistic to
the very people they need to hear their

vision, their vision for what's possible
in this highly competitive business.

L.

Maybe these individuals are not
fortunate enough to work for a company

that positions itself as a learning
organization, a learning organization

offers targeted resources for learning and
development to improve people's business

acumen and their capacity to think big.

If you don't know what a learning
organization is, talk to me, I've built.

How do I know this I've spent the
last 20 years watching and encouraging

business leaders to share their vision
in an aspirational manner, not as

merely what can be done unless it's the
exception of excellence in avoidance.

I love excellence in avoidance.

I have truly been interested
in how thinking impacts

decisions for most of my career.

Especially when I became aware of the
cost of some of my worst decisions.

That's why I studied decision making.

I have a doctorate in decision sciences.

I now realize that the way my brain
has been trained is to interpret

situations in the negative first.

I've been striving to change that
and teach others to do the same.

In fact, I can hear a scarcity
mindset from across the

room in a social gathering.

It's like my ears have become
attuned to negativity with all the

efforts I have made seeking after
what realistically possible instead.

I can clearly remember when it
clicked for me that I couldn't see

what was possible, amid all the
many obstacles I put in my own way.

The first time someone used the
expression, don't give it a second

thought I can recall a Eureka moment.

It just happened in my head.

I realized that's it.

I give almost everything a second thought.

Because I think twice, no wonder, I
used to struggle with headaches because

instead of approaching decisions with
a mindset that was wired to consider

what's possible first, what my brain
wants to do more on that in a minute.

My thought patterns were negative
first and I would have to reverse

course to consider what was possible.

Well, knowing deep down,
my idea would never work.

So neurologists.

Brilliant scientists have discovered,
and you may know this, that

the brain actually defaults to
thinking in the positive first.

So for example, if I say to you don't
think of a blue mushroom, my next question

could be, how big is your blue mushroom?

How blue is your blue mushroom?

Because your brain wants to do what
it's told in the positive first.

So your brain said blue mushroom and pop.

There's a blue mushroom in your mind.

You can see it.

I don't know how big it.

Dunno how blue it is, but it's there,
even though I said don't think of

a blue mushroom, our brain wants
to ignore the don'ts the cans, the

shouldn'ts the Wooden's the warnings.

Our brain wants to do what it's told.

I thought that was fascinating.

So I share it with you.

So therefore we literally think twice the
military trains us to do the opposite.

The military trains us to say
don't think of a blue mushroom.

We don't think of a blue mushroom.

We are compliant.

Neurologists tell us what
the natural brain does.

Our brain can be trained away or
towards the natural tendencies, but our

mind wants to do the positive first.

Think of it this way.

Have you ever gone to a grocery
store and you leave the house and

you think, oh, don't forget the eggs.

Don't forget the eggs.

Don't forget the eggs you come home.

Wouldn't you forget, you might
have forgotten something else, but

you definitely forgot the eggs.

So you wanna say to yourself,
remember the eggs, remember the eggs,

remember the eggs, remember the eggs?

I can't explain it.

I'm not a neurologist, but more
on this in a future podcast.

Thought patterns matter.

The coach approach is about directing our
thought patterns towards accomplishment.

So more observations when surrounded by
leaders, I pay attention to how they speak

and how their words impact their teams.

People talk to me, they share
with me, they use words like

excited, anticipate enthusiastic.

They also use words like discourage
disheartened and my least favorite

demoralizing people who are preoccupied
with what to avoid rather than what to

achieve can discourage others, especially
others with a different mindset.

Of course, we must look at
what can and cannot happen.

What better, not derail a project, which
shouldn't be included in the scope of work

and how we shouldn't speak with customers.

I have nothing against
apostrophe T statements.

I have nothing against not statements.

It's about when they're said
and who they're said to.

I have an apostrophe T rule.

I encourage you to count how
many times you sound negative.

How many times you don't wouldn't
shouldn't can't won't and then

there's my all time favorites, never.

And without the words without, and
never don't fall under the apostrophe T

rule, but there's still scarcity words.

So here's some favorite statements
that break the apostrophe to you rule,

which is by the way, an awareness
of the number of times we say don't

shouldn't couldn't can't to name a.

The rule I ascribe to is if I make
more than two statements with not

or a Poste tea, then I need to
balance with positive statements.

Also remember the scale I put a
couple of don'ts and won'ts on there.

And I put a couple of
possibilities on there as well.

Here's a typical strategically balanced
statement from real meetings of managers

who've bought into the coach approach.

Quote, let's make sure we're
not taking on more than we can.

How many new business units do we have
the capacity to add to our portfolio

based on our current projections
and based on the number of people

to do the work, is this realistic?

Did you hear that?

And quote, negative and positive
caution and vision, the person wanted

to make sure they're not taking on
more work than they could handle

asked how many new business units
have the capacity to take on the work.

Could they add to their portfolio
and evaluated the current projections

and looked at the number of people to
handle the work negative and positive.

Caution and vision scale, successful
communication, advancing leadership,

excellence, balanced statements.

Here's another, we can't
possibly be behind that much

in our quarterly earnings.

Didn't we plan for what we knew.

Wouldn't potentially scale.

What are the earnings?

What are they compared to
year to date last year?

Who can describe the plan to
see what we can do better?

So imagine the tails skip this way.

We cannot possibly be behind that
much in our quarterly earnings.

Didn't we plan for what we knew.

Wouldn't potentially scale, fill your
adrenaline rise, heart rate, possibly

blood pressure by adding what are the
earnings compared to year to date last

year, this time, who can describe the
plan to see what we can do better?

My suggestion would be getting
everybody together to look

at the plan and brainstorm.

Information can calm anxiety,
achievement and avoidance in balance

is a significant element of the
coach approach, mindset and skills.

As I said earlier, there are people
whose instinct is to protect first

and these individuals fall under the
excellence in avoidance exception.

Excellence.

And avoidance is an exception because
by stating what we want to avoid

without what we want to achieve
can normally discourage people.

But in the same vein, I've been led by
individuals who would focus on aspiration

almost exclusively, and didn't see
threats coming and all kinds of plans and

projects were derailed because anytime
you asked a cautionary question, you

were labeled a naysayer you're accused
of not sharing the person's vision.

So excellence in
avoidance is an exception.

I've shared the story of the engineers
who are responsible for clean

drinking water and their excellence
in avoidance was not to poison people.

That's a great vision surgeons, not to
have someone die in the operating table.

Other engineers, not to have bridges,
collapse, cybersecurity experts, not to

have our information technology hacked.

Excellence and avoidance is important.

So I don't have anything
against apostrophe tea.

I don't have anything
against negative statements.

I just think it's important
to have a balance.

I believe I've made that point.

So.

I came face to face many times with
the importance of clear unambiguous

communication and the focus of my next
coach approach will be that story of

what I learned waiting in an atrium
at a hotel for an important meeting

while very impressive training was
happening in a beautiful room, preparing

for a large banquet, possibly a.

And the way the individuals
were given direction remains

fascinating to me to this day.

So please tune in next time.

I am Diane Ravenscroft and you have been
listening to the coach approach podcast.

See you next time.